What is regulation?

Dysregulation, co-regulation, what does it all mean?

What better way to start this journey together than defining regulation? Regulation is a term we use to describe how we as humans come back to whatever our usual state of being is after some sort of change or stressor in our environment. As you can guess, that’s going to vary from person to person, their internal resources/capacity to do so, as well as the intensity of the stressor. Some things we often regulate include our body temperature, breathing, behaviors, thoughts, emotions, etc.

For anyone under the age of 25-26 (yes, for real), this can be pretty difficult at times because they are still learning about and figuring out the world around them. This is mainly because our pre-frontal cortex and corpus callosum areas of our brains are not fully formed until around that age. Therefore we are continuously trying to integrate and streamline all of the wonderful things those areas of our brain do for us, like having both sides or hemispheres communicate with one another, make decisions about and plan for our future, or be able to pause and think through situations to respond in the best way. Additionally hormones, pruning of neurons at certain ages (ah yes, the preschool and puberty years), the environment we grow up in, mood disorders, trauma experiences, substance use, etc. can all play a role in how well we are able to regulate ourselves in a given context or moment in time.

Co-regulation then, is often the scaffolding laid out by parents, caregivers, teachers, and others in a child’s life to guide them on the way to self-regulation. Co-regulation is using your own self-regulation skills during situations in order to model and teach kids more appropriate ways of responding. The result is often the adult is able to bring things back to equilibrium, or a state where a child feels more calm and comfortable. It’s being the “big brain” for the little brains in our lives, because we have more skills, knowledge and experience and can lend it from time to time to help them in tough situations. Over time, this practice helps kids learn that they can influence and be influenced by those around them, also known as “shared social regulation”, as well as receive support when needed, which leads to improved social and emotional skills, self-confidence and trust in others. I think of these interactions as a dance between two or more people, moving back and forth by reading and responding to one another’s cues. If one tries to take control or lead too quickly, it can throw the whole system off balance (group projects in school, anyone?).

Which brings us to dysregulation. Dysregulation is a state of being in which it is difficult for someone to control their responses, often because they were not able to self-regulate (i.e. monitor and adjust their own emotions, behaviors, etc.) and/or opportunities for co-regulation or shared social regulation were either unavailable or unsuccessful in some way. This can result in the person finding themselves outside of their window of tolerance, which can feel uncomfortable, scary, out of control, or even shut down and zoned out. Dysregulation is going outside of that window of tolerance in one of two directions; hyperarousal or hypoarousal. Hyperarousal may feel or look like anxiety, hyperactivity, fidgeting, anger, or being overwhelmed to the point it might signal a fight or flight response. Hypoarousal may result in feeling tired, numb, frozen, or look like shutting down, giving up, refusal to try, “laziness” or “defiance”.

I truly enjoy working with both kids and families in learning how they attempt to regulate themselves and others in daily interactions, and try to find ways that we can boost everyone’s skills in a nonjudgmental way. I teach kids individually how to manage and cope with dysregulation in order to return to a more emotionally regulated state. In my experience, children as young as 5 or 6 can improve their ability to self-regulate when they learn their own internal warning signs and feel more confident and in control of situations. I teach caregivers the importance of their own self-regulation and problem solve barriers in order to improve co-regulation, attunement and attachment with their children. If this seems like something that might benefit your family, call me today!